Bryan is my Hero.
Let me tell you about my husband Bryan. If you know Bryan or have the pleasure of calling him a friend, you know he is a genuine, kind-hearted, gentle person, who sees the best in everyone. Bryan finds joy in spending time with his family, riding his motorcycle, and debating various fan theories of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. Something you may not know about Bryan is that he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in 2013, just after he turned 20.
In 2012 Bryan started to develop symptoms of psychosis including hallucinations and disorganized thinking. He was always worried that something bad was going to happen and eventually those thoughts turned into voices and other symptoms of Schizophrenia. His psychosis affected his ability to focus at work and constantly interrupted his ability to perform everyday tasks. Bryan saw multiple doctors and panels of specialists who were trying to understand his symptoms and develop an effective treatment. He tried countless combinations of medications and could not get his symptoms under control.
In 2012, Bryan went to Fairfax Psychiatric Hospital. While there, he was stripped of all medications and observed to better understand how to treat his developing illness. Bryan’s ability to advocate for himself and say “I’m not okay” was a pivotal moment in his journey. Bryan, finding humor in any situation, often reflects on when the staff took away his shoelaces and fed him what is affectionately known in the Fugate house as ‘cat food’.
Bryan’s life was forever changed the day he left the hospital. He was taking 15 different medications each day and went back to work full time within two months in order to keep his benefits and allow me to continue going to school. We had a 7:00 bed time, a strict diet, doctor visits, medical bills, and a very limited social life. Every day was a challenge but we learned to appreciate the little things in life like a quiet trip to the grocery store, or sitting outside on our tiny apartment patio watching the geese fly overhead after dinner.
Over the past few years, Bryan has really owned his diagnoses. He has learned how to live the fullest life he can. He no longer tries to fight and push back his Schizophrenia, instead he embraces it and has learned how to live with it, not in spite of it. This is not to say that Bryan has an easy life. Quite the opposite actually. Bryan still takes a pharmacy of medications, has developed chronic Pancreatitis, and questions how his mind, body, and spirit will sustain for the rest of his life.
Out of all of the challenges he faces, I am most impressed with his ability to see past the limitations of his diagnosis and focus on the positive. It is rare that you will see Bryan without a smile on his face. He is usually laughing at something from The Office (for the hundredth time), singing Disney songs with me in the car, or thinking about the next prank he is going to play on a family member.
Bryan lives with one the most terrifying illnesses. It is even more challenging when it is not visible and people can’t see how hard it is for him on a bad day. Now, you may be asking yourselves why on earth I would share something so personal. I have been a strong advocate for sharing Bryan’s journey, when appropriate, for quite some time, but Bryan has always been a little hesitant. He was worried what people might think and how they might treat him differently if the only thing they knew about Schizophrenia was what is portrayed in the media. Think about it, when was the last time you saw a positive representation of a severe mental illness? The media makes these individuals look scary, when really they are just misunderstood and misrepresented.
We have been doing the NAMI Walk to raise money for mental health programs for the past few years and each year I ask Bryan if he wants to share his story. This year he said yes. When I asked why now, he said, “Because I am proud of who I am and how I live my life. I am not ashamed of who I am".
Schizophrenia and all mental illnesses are a team effort and they require countless hours of listening and learning, compassion, and family support. Bryan is blessed with family that supports him and understands that his life will be different now. We are all blessed with a terrific husband, son, brother, nephew, uncle, cousin, and friend. I would never wish this illness on anyone, but I am grateful for what it has given us.
Seeing Bryan struggle, accept, and overcome, over and over again, reminds both of us the significance of what is important in life. The value of good days, which can sometimes be few and far between. The value of a clear mind and an open heart. The value of understanding in a world full of prejudice and judgement. I wouldn't change a thing about Bryan, but I would like to change the world that we live in. The stigma around mental illness like Schizophrenia is what keeps people like Bryan from seeking treatment. They have no support and no help to discern reality from delusions. We share his story to help eliminate the stigma around mental illness so people like Bryan can seek help and find hope.
So in case you are wondering, I write this first and foremost to brag about my kick-ass husband and best friend. He has overcome so much and I couldn’t be more proud. Secondly, I share his story so whoever reads this can think about Schizophrenia differently. If you know Bryan, you love him and would never know the challenges he faces. Think about that next time you encounter someone who is struggling. Lastly I write this because you can actually do something about it! We are raising money for NAMI again this year and encourage everyone to join us as we participate in the NAMI Walk on June 2nd by attending the walk or making a donation to our walk team, which will directly help people like Bryan find support, community, and compassion while learning to cope with a severe mental illness.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Bryan’s story. He is unashamed and proud. He is my hero.
With love,
April
In 2012, Bryan went to Fairfax Psychiatric Hospital. While there, he was stripped of all medications and observed to better understand how to treat his developing illness. Bryan’s ability to advocate for himself and say “I’m not okay” was a pivotal moment in his journey. Bryan, finding humor in any situation, often reflects on when the staff took away his shoelaces and fed him what is affectionately known in the Fugate house as ‘cat food’.
Bryan’s life was forever changed the day he left the hospital. He was taking 15 different medications each day and went back to work full time within two months in order to keep his benefits and allow me to continue going to school. We had a 7:00 bed time, a strict diet, doctor visits, medical bills, and a very limited social life. Every day was a challenge but we learned to appreciate the little things in life like a quiet trip to the grocery store, or sitting outside on our tiny apartment patio watching the geese fly overhead after dinner.
Over the past few years, Bryan has really owned his diagnoses. He has learned how to live the fullest life he can. He no longer tries to fight and push back his Schizophrenia, instead he embraces it and has learned how to live with it, not in spite of it. This is not to say that Bryan has an easy life. Quite the opposite actually. Bryan still takes a pharmacy of medications, has developed chronic Pancreatitis, and questions how his mind, body, and spirit will sustain for the rest of his life.
Out of all of the challenges he faces, I am most impressed with his ability to see past the limitations of his diagnosis and focus on the positive. It is rare that you will see Bryan without a smile on his face. He is usually laughing at something from The Office (for the hundredth time), singing Disney songs with me in the car, or thinking about the next prank he is going to play on a family member.
Bryan lives with one the most terrifying illnesses. It is even more challenging when it is not visible and people can’t see how hard it is for him on a bad day. Now, you may be asking yourselves why on earth I would share something so personal. I have been a strong advocate for sharing Bryan’s journey, when appropriate, for quite some time, but Bryan has always been a little hesitant. He was worried what people might think and how they might treat him differently if the only thing they knew about Schizophrenia was what is portrayed in the media. Think about it, when was the last time you saw a positive representation of a severe mental illness? The media makes these individuals look scary, when really they are just misunderstood and misrepresented.
We have been doing the NAMI Walk to raise money for mental health programs for the past few years and each year I ask Bryan if he wants to share his story. This year he said yes. When I asked why now, he said, “Because I am proud of who I am and how I live my life. I am not ashamed of who I am".
Schizophrenia and all mental illnesses are a team effort and they require countless hours of listening and learning, compassion, and family support. Bryan is blessed with family that supports him and understands that his life will be different now. We are all blessed with a terrific husband, son, brother, nephew, uncle, cousin, and friend. I would never wish this illness on anyone, but I am grateful for what it has given us.
Seeing Bryan struggle, accept, and overcome, over and over again, reminds both of us the significance of what is important in life. The value of good days, which can sometimes be few and far between. The value of a clear mind and an open heart. The value of understanding in a world full of prejudice and judgement. I wouldn't change a thing about Bryan, but I would like to change the world that we live in. The stigma around mental illness like Schizophrenia is what keeps people like Bryan from seeking treatment. They have no support and no help to discern reality from delusions. We share his story to help eliminate the stigma around mental illness so people like Bryan can seek help and find hope.
So in case you are wondering, I write this first and foremost to brag about my kick-ass husband and best friend. He has overcome so much and I couldn’t be more proud. Secondly, I share his story so whoever reads this can think about Schizophrenia differently. If you know Bryan, you love him and would never know the challenges he faces. Think about that next time you encounter someone who is struggling. Lastly I write this because you can actually do something about it! We are raising money for NAMI again this year and encourage everyone to join us as we participate in the NAMI Walk on June 2nd by attending the walk or making a donation to our walk team, which will directly help people like Bryan find support, community, and compassion while learning to cope with a severe mental illness.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Bryan’s story. He is unashamed and proud. He is my hero.
With love,
April
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